Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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