and she was petting her beer can
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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