Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how drunk are you?
Several
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
