We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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