let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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