My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
