this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
