EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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