i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
