took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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