Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
