So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
