Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
