I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
