Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
