I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
