I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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