I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
