im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
