I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
