when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
