I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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