Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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