just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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