capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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