I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
