I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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