All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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