The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
