how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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