i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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