He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
