70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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