I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
