Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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