some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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