We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
