so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
