just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
