Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
