Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
