I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
