fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
