Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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