so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
