I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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