i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
