she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
