there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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