I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
