capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
