Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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