So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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